i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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