omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
