how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
