A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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