If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
