And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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