the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
