I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
