As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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