Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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