Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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