you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
