my mouth tastes like poor choices
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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