the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
