i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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