laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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