a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize