She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
