Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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