Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
