Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
