oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
