Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize