he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
