i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
