How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
