Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
