Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
