My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
