i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
