I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Who died my cat blue again?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
