I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He passed out mid-signature
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My bed smells like the plague
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
