I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize