am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
