Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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