It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it glows. i had to have it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
