Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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