it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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