she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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