My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
