4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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