Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
