apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
