I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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