Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nicole vs. Life
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
