Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize