No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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