so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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