New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
