just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
