I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize