are you still at the devil's house?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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