Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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