How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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