Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
