I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
