covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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