i barfeds in our rink
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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