Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
