I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
