Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
