Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
