Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize