zippers are such a cool invention
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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