Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
