I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize