Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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