Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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