what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
