im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
