Umm I'm too high to move.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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