We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
